I would do anything for love...but I won't do that.

I can handle nick meeting someone else, allowing them to be his girlfriend even though it seems like we have only been split up for 5 minutes. It is obvious that I have not been sitting around thinking about him, that I have managed to move on. I finally feel good about being on my own, as much as he is still in my life, I do feel very much single. I feel like it is finally over. Just as well saying as he goes back to London in the next couple of weeks, then I will probably not see him again for another 6 months or so. Hopefully by that time he will not cross my mind every day. He doesn't plague me or determine my nights out anymore, we are in a good place. I know I will think of him every time I hear Michael Bolton, I am pretty damn certain of that. Even now, when it comes on my shuffle, I smile to myself. It was last night, I was sitting in the club talking about Nick, said I was thankful for my rebound because he stopped me from getting back with Nick, but I was more thankful for him because he was the first one who made me genuinely happy. To feel completely comfortable with somebody. I think I will always love him, it was a quick love, painful and painless. I know it isn't over, that maybe it never will be, that my heart will always break when he looks at me, that I'll always wish that circumstances were different, that we could at least give it a go. But we are dangerous, he makes me far too powerful and far too weak. There has never been a happy medium in anything we do, passionate kisses followed by too tender of hugs. Kissing my nose, then biting my lip.

I'll see him around, smile whenever I hear a Londoner, catch my breath when I smell him. I will always want him, that's ok though, life always has a funny way of making sure you get the most out of it...and for now, I feel I have gotten the most out of him. He has allowed me to love again, fall quicker and harder...for that, I will walk away without looking back, and into my new life, completely and blissfully alone.